When Abby  started a talk about Probe Team's latest episode over lunch, she was in trouble.  We were all against her argument that the  licensed doctor involve in a scam was "just trapped in his coping mechanism".  We all have our defense mechanisms but using these mechanisms as an excuse or to explain  our action is cowardice.  

     We are rational beings who can at least differentiate good from bad.  And even if sometimes such good or bad vary with our individual standards, we can honestly identify motive from mistake and we always have a choice.  For a doctor whose years of study include mastery of psychology, citing child abuse as an explanation is "crying over spilled milk".

     Which is better hear the magic words or M.U.?, Flong asked.

     I could not say my opinion was okay as Ellen and Bing were against it.  Perhaps it is true that our individual views vary with our experiences.

     It is fun to hear those magic words yet love is tested through time.  "I love you" during courtship is premature.  We love the person (I mean romantic love) because there is something about the person that satisfies us.  I may sound nega here but romantic love is selfish until it is proven.  Unless we are sure of ourselves that we accept the person for who he is and that we can grow old with or die for the person no matter how he may become, "I love you" is true.

     Time leaps almost like a  wink of an eye and we often feel we have passed our youth days.  At times, we feel  we've lost something and regret on the choices we made but we can not give in.  It is at times like this that we have to count the things we gained.  For each of our loss, we for sure gained something and that something is what should matter most.

     Being youth is not a time of life but a state of mind.  As long as we have the will to make things differently, we surely can make a difference.

     Human as we are, we are afraid of anything unfamiliar.  We are afraid of   rejection, frustration and humiliation.  And it is this same fear that oftentimes take others'  lives.  It is sad to hear  news like those promising individuals taking their own lives because they are depressed. 

      When I was in college one of my barkadas did it when he learned that the girl he was courting for two years was engaged to another man.  He was then an active member of the church choir and that news was  an insult.  We never imagined our "happy faced" barkada could do it yet, it happened.

      Wlhen we are down and feel the world is against us, it is crucial to hold on to HIS promise that HE is always with us.  The old saying  "when it rains, it pours" is sometimes true but even if we run away thinking we can escape from that something unfamiliar which  we are afraid of, we can not do anything because in the first place we know nothing about what is ahead of us.  

     I heard nobody from the eligible candidates for SG 15 applied to replace a vacated post.  While there are many from our current pool of SG 13 personnel are capable to do the job, our office will have to  choose  from outsider applicants.   

     Others' opined  the scenario is due to the challenge involve as the slated position will handle frontlining services. The  department process loans  and there never is a day that they do not attend to the needs of more than a hundred  varied personalities  from different walks of life.

     Granting  I am among  the eligibles,  I too would not apply.  As we seek  career movement,  better earnings and change,  happiness is always in our minds.  Pressured activities are nothing but  spice of life when we are happy with the people we are working with.  There is nothing  greater than a workplace where staff are free to discover their potentials and are assured of a supportive fellow and open-minded superiors.   

     Today is Sonsaengnim's birthday.  We talked over the phone  and  that loving voice gave a happy feeling.     I guess I can now honestly answer that teasing question (who do you like)?  I  like him.   We've been communicating through e-mails since December, 2006 (when he went back to South Korea) and his friendship means a lot. 

      More than seeing the man or the person in him, he is special because I believe he is sincere.  Having him in my heart all these years even if I can never have him as my man is enough.  His inspiring messages about my being a solo parent keeps me stronger.

    Sometimes  it  feels good identifying who is to blame in a shortcoming.  It's funny though because  finger pointing takes energy.  Even if we  find out who is to blame and nag this person till  our satisfaction, damage has already been done and worst is, sometimes cause  people cry.

    Who can never understand  those who cried just to vent anger on  Batman 's short temper or Batman himself?  Who can box his boss anyway?  Maybe for him, using   harsh words with   big tiger eyes while at same time cornering the staff and not   allow  even to say his side is normal.  Challenging the staff to shout back and let go of the issue after the  heated argument  is a normal thing for him but for those who understand  what it is to be normal, things are beyond the ranks' control thus,  crying is an alternative.

     Batman, for fairness sake has his soft spot but as easy as he gets swayed with his temper, we too easily fail to consider that soft spot in him.  No matter how one wants to think of those "awarding sessions" with him as part of his discipline, the conclusion is Batman has a big security problem.  The person doling out the pain is experiencing difficulty of his own problems.  The next best thing for us ranks then, is not to allow him to see us how we see ourselves.  We know ourselves more than anyone else thus, when somebody says unkind about us, it is us who can tell if such unkind word was about us or about him.